Joke Thread

[Kress]

Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" 

The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let's make sure he's dead."
 
There’s a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says "OK, now what?"

[Buc2]

I laughed.

[IchabodCrane84]

How do Reavers clean their spears?

Spoiler:

They put them through the wash.

[Buc2]

How do Reavers clean their spears?

Spoiler:

They put them through the wash.

[PrimeMinister]

How do Reavers clean their spears?

Spoiler:

They put them through the wash.

My thoughts exactly

[IchabodCrane84]

My thoughts exactly

Apparently, there are no more Firefly fans on this board.

[Buc2]

My thoughts exactly

Apparently, there are no more Firefly fans on this board.

Never seen it.

[Teitan]

Apparently, there are no more Firefly fans on this board.

Never seen it.

Me either. There is a weird nerd niche out there for it.

[Caradoc]

I saw fireflyedit - Serenity . Looked like the show had a great premise and great actors. I might have caught up on it if it lasted more than one season.

[Zarniwoop]

I thought it was meh. Ok enough to waste time with but nothing great. The Western stuff was far too forced at times

[Caradoc]

Actually I meant to type Serenity. Never saw the series, just the post-cancellation movie.

[Mountaineer Buc]

William Shatner has discontinued his line of women's lingerie.


Apparently, "Shatner Panties" was not a big hit.

[Teitan]

William Shatner has discontinued his line of women's lingerie.


Apparently, "Shatner Panties" was not a big hit.

[Heidguy]

I used to have a fear of hurdles....








































then I got over it.

[Ironworker808]

An Irishman walks out of a bar...




What? It could happen.

[Mountaineer Buc]

An Irishman walks out of a bar...




What? It could happen.

[Stuart]

[Buc2]

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius.

But did you know his brother, Frank, was a monster?

[Rocker]

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius.

But did you know his brother, Frank, was a monster?

Found the dad.

[PrimeMinister]

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius.

But did you know his brother, Frank, was a monster?

Hehe. I laughed.

[DreadNaught]

Yo momma is so fat.... Thanos had to snap twice!!

[Babeinbucland]

[img]https://scontent.ftpa1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/34582150_10214762432887261_2323378355660914688_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&_nc_eui2=AeFWeulHTBfu68FWuLXF0rsNaiwOC0wENL8bg-4YluC5MpRn0TXBWPNxvNHGD4xWlUTgMtiNs9lZEnjN2zLNDsvBgMC5RCUI5c-UDvslYptlUg&oh=98a058d8adfed15909099ebeac04f2d4&oe=5BB6F97F[img/]

[DreadNaught]

[NYBF]

I thought this was funny

[Buc2]

[Onthebrink]

My ex girlfriend owned a parrot and that bitch never shutup. But the bird was cool.

[Babeinbucland]

Jesus made his usual rounds in heaven when he noticed a wizened, white-haired old man sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate. The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.

‘Hello’ said Jesus kindly, "this is heaven. The sun is shining, you've got all you could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to play, beautiful music, wonderful art - you should be blissfully happy! But you seem so sad. Please tell me What's wrong, maybe I can help.

"Well," said the old man choking back tears "you see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only, dearly beloved son at an early age. And here in heaven I was hoping more than anything to find him."

Jesus caught his breath as tears sprang from his eyes. "FATHER!" he cried.

The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, "PINOCCHIO!"

[Mountaineer Buc]

After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell ***** on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.

As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.

The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide.

The dentist got close enough & said, "Man did you have a 69 before you came here?"

Kevin, shocked says, "Why, No! Does my breath smell like *****?"

The dentist says, "No, but your forehead smells like ass!!!"

[beardmcdoug]

After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell ***** on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.

As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.

The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide.

The dentist got close enough & said, "Man did you have a 69 before you came here?"

Kevin, shocked says, "Why, No! Does my breath smell like *****?"

The dentist says, "No, but your forehead smells like ass!!!"

I laughed

[Babeinbucland]

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology that was explaining the phenomenon of mixed emotions.
The husband turned to his wife and said “Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”
She said: “Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis.”