Joke Thread

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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Kress » Mon Feb 12, 2018 9:41 am

Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" 

The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let's make sure he's dead."
 
There’s a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says "OK, now what?"
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Buc2 » Mon Feb 12, 2018 12:24 pm

I laughed.
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby IchabodCrane84 » Mon Feb 12, 2018 7:47 pm

How do Reavers clean their spears?

Spoiler:
They put them through the wash.
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Buc2 » Tue Feb 13, 2018 9:05 am

IchabodCrane84 wrote:How do Reavers clean their spears?

Spoiler:
They put them through the wash.


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Re: Joke Thread

Postby PrimeMinister » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:05 am

Buc2 wrote:
IchabodCrane84 wrote:How do Reavers clean their spears?

Spoiler:
They put them through the wash.


Image


My thoughts exactly
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby IchabodCrane84 » Tue Feb 13, 2018 8:31 pm

PrimeMinister wrote:
Buc2 wrote:
Image


My thoughts exactly


Apparently, there are no more Firefly fans on this board.
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Buc2 » Wed Feb 14, 2018 8:23 am

IchabodCrane84 wrote:
PrimeMinister wrote:
My thoughts exactly


Apparently, there are no more Firefly fans on this board.

Never seen it.
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Teitan » Wed Feb 14, 2018 8:55 am

Buc2 wrote:
IchabodCrane84 wrote:
Apparently, there are no more Firefly fans on this board.

Never seen it.


Me either. There is a weird nerd niche out there for it.
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Caradoc » Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:47 pm

I saw fireflyedit - Serenity . Looked like the show had a great premise and great actors. I might have caught up on it if it lasted more than one season.
Last edited by Caradoc on Fri Feb 16, 2018 12:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Zarniwoop » Wed Feb 14, 2018 4:19 pm

I thought it was meh. Ok enough to waste time with but nothing great. The Western stuff was far too forced at times
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Caradoc » Fri Feb 16, 2018 12:52 am

Actually I meant to type Serenity. Never saw the series, just the post-cancellation movie.
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Mountaineer Buc » Mon Mar 05, 2018 8:15 pm

William Shatner has discontinued his line of women's lingerie.


Apparently, "Shatner Panties" was not a big hit.
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Teitan » Mon Mar 05, 2018 9:56 pm

Mountaineer Buc wrote:William Shatner has discontinued his line of women's lingerie.


Apparently, "Shatner Panties" was not a big hit.


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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Heidguy » Mon Apr 30, 2018 4:55 pm

I used to have a fear of hurdles....








































then I got over it.
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Ironworker808 » Thu May 03, 2018 2:09 pm

An Irishman walks out of a bar...




What? It could happen.
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Mountaineer Buc » Thu May 03, 2018 2:22 pm

Ironworker808 wrote:An Irishman walks out of a bar...




What? It could happen.

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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Stuart » Thu May 03, 2018 2:32 pm

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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Buc2 » Thu May 03, 2018 3:51 pm

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius.

But did you know his brother, Frank, was a monster?
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Rocker » Thu May 03, 2018 3:54 pm

Buc2 wrote:We all know Albert Einstein was a genius.

But did you know his brother, Frank, was a monster?



Found the dad.
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby PrimeMinister » Thu May 03, 2018 4:07 pm

Buc2 wrote:We all know Albert Einstein was a genius.

But did you know his brother, Frank, was a monster?


Hehe. I laughed.
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby DreadNaught » Thu Jun 07, 2018 10:52 pm

Yo momma is so fat.... Thanos had to snap twice!! :lol:
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Babeinbucland » Mon Jun 11, 2018 3:05 pm

[img]https://scontent.ftpa1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/34582150_10214762432887261_2323378355660914688_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&_nc_eui2=AeFWeulHTBfu68FWuLXF0rsNaiwOC0wENL8bg-4YluC5MpRn0TXBWPNxvNHGD4xWlUTgMtiNs9lZEnjN2zLNDsvBgMC5RCUI5c-UDvslYptlUg&oh=98a058d8adfed15909099ebeac04f2d4&oe=5BB6F97F[img/]
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby DreadNaught » Mon Jun 11, 2018 3:06 pm

Babeinbucland wrote:Image
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby NYBF » Mon Jun 11, 2018 3:27 pm

I thought this was funny

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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Buc2 » Sun Jul 08, 2018 1:11 pm

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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Onthebrink » Mon Jul 09, 2018 1:38 pm

My ex girlfriend owned a parrot and that bitch never shutup. But the bird was cool.
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Babeinbucland » Wed Aug 29, 2018 10:35 pm

Jesus made his usual rounds in heaven when he noticed a wizened, white-haired old man sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate. The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.

‘Hello’ said Jesus kindly, "this is heaven. The sun is shining, you've got all you could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to play, beautiful music, wonderful art - you should be blissfully happy! But you seem so sad. Please tell me What's wrong, maybe I can help.

"Well," said the old man choking back tears "you see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only, dearly beloved son at an early age. And here in heaven I was hoping more than anything to find him."

Jesus caught his breath as tears sprang from his eyes. "FATHER!" he cried.

The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, "PINOCCHIO!"
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby Mountaineer Buc » Wed Sep 05, 2018 8:56 am

After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell ***** on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.

As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.

The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide.

The dentist got close enough & said, "Man did you have a 69 before you came here?"

Kevin, shocked says, "Why, No! Does my breath smell like *****?"

The dentist says, "No, but your forehead smells like ass!!!"
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Re: Joke Thread

Postby beardmcdoug » Wed Sep 05, 2018 9:03 am

Mountaineer Buc wrote:After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell ***** on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.

As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.

The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide.

The dentist got close enough & said, "Man did you have a 69 before you came here?"

Kevin, shocked says, "Why, No! Does my breath smell like *****?"

The dentist says, "No, but your forehead smells like ass!!!"


I laughed
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