The never ending OFFICIAL PMI advice thread for guys.......

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The never ending OFFICIAL PMI advice thread for guys.......

Postby Patrick McIrish » Fri Feb 13, 2015 6:45 pm

I hate to be typecast as just an expert on football (and every other major sport), turns out I'm a pretty well rounded guy. Of course with 3 exes who've probably banged more NBA stars than Paula Abdul, you might wonder what I could possibly teach the single guys..... read on boys. I started this on February 13th for a reason, if you're not married and in a relationship right now you're a SUCKER!!! I mean front of the line dumbtruck! Here's what you do for every year from here on out:

Always break up with your girl before Christmas, always! I try to wait for December, that way you get the Thanksgiving meal. For some reason the code is the chicks are responsible for getting you two in front of a turkey. But the day after you start planning on the break-up. Why? Because you got Christmas and then Valentine's Day within less than 2 months of each other!!! If she happens to have a birthday within the same time you've hit the Lotto for single guys. The 3 biggest pressure days of the year are done with one swoop. And my experience says if you gave her a nut every 3rd or 4th time you stay on booty call most the time anyway. Few glasses of wine and no one better around, they'll call and hope to catch you on your A game.

The beauty of this extends beyond just being cheap, when you send her packing and get back on the market in December, you got a lot of ladies that are trying to pull someone in before the holidays. You want to get out of being a gift giver, they're trying to lure one in! It's easy to be an ass with the after Thanksgiving break-up when you understand the women are doing the exact same thing, just the opposite. They NEVER break up with their guy in Dec/Feb, it's ridiculous! I've known more than one girl that walked around with black eyes for a couple months trying to make it to the holidays. They're always going to put out more, take more crap and be more pleasant during Dec/Feb, always!

And BTW the beauty doesn't stop there, the average girl knocks off 2 dates on when you get trim. What a time to be single again!! If she usually puts out on date 4, it takes only 2 in Dec/Feb, if she puts out in 3 dates in July, buy new underwear for the first date in December. Another perk if you get back with your old GF in March (this varies, usually on how well you perform in the sack and what kind of jack you're bringing in) is you send flowers to the office in March because even though we weren't together "you want to let her know she'll always be your valentine" (until turkey day at least). And sending in March there's no competition in her work place!! You don't have to compete with all the other jerk-offs as to who sent the most flowers and so on. An arrangement in March, one she'd have flushed on Valentine's Day, has suddenly made you a hero. Win, win, win!!

Summation? From December 1st until Feb 14th you can be an ass. Demand more nights out with the boys. Demand an extra BJ or two weekly. Be yourself. If she gives you any flack there's your excuse for breaking up. If she's a veteran she's going to be on her best behavior no matter how outrageous you act, you might really have to get creative on why you're ending it. Of course this mean from Feb 15th until late November you go back to butt kiss mode but all the more reason to enjoy yourself for these months. And BTW not too late, you still got a few hours to miss at least one of the Samuel Sucker days. I'll try and remember to bump this come Thanksgiving, I think most are aware but just in case we got some young ones on the way up. You're welcome.
Patrick McIrish
 
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