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Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 9:41 am
by Kress
Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" 

The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let's make sure he's dead."
 
There’s a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says "OK, now what?"

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 12:24 pm
by Buc2
I laughed.

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 7:47 pm
by IchabodCrane84
How do Reavers clean their spears?

Spoiler:
They put them through the wash.

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Tue Feb 13, 2018 9:05 am
by Buc2
IchabodCrane84 wrote:How do Reavers clean their spears?

Spoiler:
They put them through the wash.


Image

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:05 am
by PrimeMinister
Buc2 wrote:
IchabodCrane84 wrote:How do Reavers clean their spears?

Spoiler:
They put them through the wash.


Image


My thoughts exactly

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Tue Feb 13, 2018 8:31 pm
by IchabodCrane84
PrimeMinister wrote:
Buc2 wrote:
Image


My thoughts exactly


Apparently, there are no more Firefly fans on this board.

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Wed Feb 14, 2018 8:23 am
by Buc2
IchabodCrane84 wrote:
PrimeMinister wrote:
My thoughts exactly


Apparently, there are no more Firefly fans on this board.

Never seen it.

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Wed Feb 14, 2018 8:55 am
by Teitan
Buc2 wrote:
IchabodCrane84 wrote:
Apparently, there are no more Firefly fans on this board.

Never seen it.


Me either. There is a weird nerd niche out there for it.

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:47 pm
by Caradoc
I saw fireflyedit - Serenity . Looked like the show had a great premise and great actors. I might have caught up on it if it lasted more than one season.

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Wed Feb 14, 2018 4:19 pm
by Zarniwoop
I thought it was meh. Ok enough to waste time with but nothing great. The Western stuff was far too forced at times

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Fri Feb 16, 2018 12:52 am
by Caradoc
Actually I meant to type Serenity. Never saw the series, just the post-cancellation movie.

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2018 8:15 pm
by Mountaineer Buc
William Shatner has discontinued his line of women's lingerie.


Apparently, "Shatner Panties" was not a big hit.

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2018 9:56 pm
by Teitan
Mountaineer Buc wrote:William Shatner has discontinued his line of women's lingerie.


Apparently, "Shatner Panties" was not a big hit.


Image

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 4:55 pm
by Heidguy
I used to have a fear of hurdles....








































then I got over it.

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2018 2:09 pm
by Ironworker808
An Irishman walks out of a bar...




What? It could happen.

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2018 2:22 pm
by Mountaineer Buc
Ironworker808 wrote:An Irishman walks out of a bar...




What? It could happen.

Image

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2018 2:32 pm
by Stuart
Image

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2018 3:51 pm
by Buc2
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius.

But did you know his brother, Frank, was a monster?

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2018 3:54 pm
by Rocker
Buc2 wrote:We all know Albert Einstein was a genius.

But did you know his brother, Frank, was a monster?



Found the dad.

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2018 4:07 pm
by PrimeMinister
Buc2 wrote:We all know Albert Einstein was a genius.

But did you know his brother, Frank, was a monster?


Hehe. I laughed.

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2018 10:52 pm
by DreadNaught
Yo momma is so fat.... Thanos had to snap twice!! :lol:

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2018 3:05 pm
by Babeinbucland
[img]https://scontent.ftpa1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/34582150_10214762432887261_2323378355660914688_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&_nc_eui2=AeFWeulHTBfu68FWuLXF0rsNaiwOC0wENL8bg-4YluC5MpRn0TXBWPNxvNHGD4xWlUTgMtiNs9lZEnjN2zLNDsvBgMC5RCUI5c-UDvslYptlUg&oh=98a058d8adfed15909099ebeac04f2d4&oe=5BB6F97F[img/]

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2018 3:06 pm
by DreadNaught
Babeinbucland wrote:Image

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2018 3:27 pm
by NYBF
I thought this was funny

Image

Image

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2018 1:11 pm
by Buc2
Image

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2018 1:38 pm
by Onthebrink
My ex girlfriend owned a parrot and that bitch never shutup. But the bird was cool.

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2018 10:35 pm
by Babeinbucland
Jesus made his usual rounds in heaven when he noticed a wizened, white-haired old man sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate. The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.

‘Hello’ said Jesus kindly, "this is heaven. The sun is shining, you've got all you could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to play, beautiful music, wonderful art - you should be blissfully happy! But you seem so sad. Please tell me What's wrong, maybe I can help.

"Well," said the old man choking back tears "you see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only, dearly beloved son at an early age. And here in heaven I was hoping more than anything to find him."

Jesus caught his breath as tears sprang from his eyes. "FATHER!" he cried.

The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, "PINOCCHIO!"

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2018 8:56 am
by Mountaineer Buc
After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell ***** on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.

As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.

The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide.

The dentist got close enough & said, "Man did you have a 69 before you came here?"

Kevin, shocked says, "Why, No! Does my breath smell like *****?"

The dentist says, "No, but your forehead smells like ass!!!"

Re: Joke Thread

PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2018 9:03 am
by beardmcdoug
Mountaineer Buc wrote:After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell ***** on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.

As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.

The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide.

The dentist got close enough & said, "Man did you have a 69 before you came here?"

Kevin, shocked says, "Why, No! Does my breath smell like *****?"

The dentist says, "No, but your forehead smells like ass!!!"


I laughed