Custer wrote:What do you call 100 cows materbating? Beef strokinoff
Steak and Potatoes?
Wait for it....
Custer wrote:What do you call 100 cows materbating? Beef strokinoff
Nano wrote:My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
Defense5599 wrote:MEDICAL OFFICE BUILDING DIRECTORY:
Orthopedics- Dr. Carter Lidge
Pediatrics- Dr. Fairchild
Internal Medicine- Dr. Anna Stesha
General Dentistry- Dr. Crunchu
Urogoly- Dr. Leake
Proctology- Dr. Seymour Butts
Podiatry- Dr. Broadfoot
Gastrointestinology- Dr. Burpnphart
Psychiatrist- Dr. Kat Atonic
Kress wrote:There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a bit of a slut, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He looked through the dildos, vibrators, and all of the other standard stuff. While browsing, he started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except.... and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo ****.'" "So what's up with this voodoo ****?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big ****ing deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo ****, the door." The voodoo **** rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo ****, get back in your box!" The voodoo **** stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo ****, my *****." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo ****. She got it out, and said "Voodoo ****, my *****!" The voodoo **** shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that there was this Voodoo ****. It was a magical dildo and it was stuck in her *****. That was the reason for her bad driving... There was a Voodoo **** in her ***** and it wouldn't stop screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, scoffed at the notion, and then said: "Yeah, right.. Voodoo ****, my ass."
Babeinbucland wrote:Amusing true or not
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'
IT IS STILL AN APPROPRIATE SALUTE TO THE FRENCH TODAY!
And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing.
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